my sole purpose for self care is to be a better mother + wife. I never anticipated the struggle in losing myself into these roles. It’s all we dream about for so long, when it finally happens we immediately morph into super humans who start caring for a helpless little life that you love more than you could ever imagine. You’re in charge of a whole other life along with your own. We focus so hard on one that we forget about the other. Rightfully so, due to the one being 100% dependent. We dive so deep into this new role that you begin to lose yourself little by little until old you is gone; but it’s okay because you’re SO in love and happy to be a mother..
Until it catches up to you. The overwhelm & anxiety take over. And sometimes depression. And you feel bad about it so you continue on thinking it will fizzle out. Still not taking time away for yourself. Because it’s more of a hassle to leave the baby anyways- especially if you’re breastfeeding. You might as well stay home because you have to worry about bottles and pumping to replenish your stock for when you really “need” it. Finding a babysitter for just a day or a couple hours to yourself is silly.
Before you know it, it’s been months before you’ve had more than 5 minutes to yourself entirely. Let alone a conversation with your partner that doesn’t revolve around weekly planning or what’s for dinner.
I think when the overwhelm finally catches up to us, it’s too late. And you can’t catch up.
Motherhood is the most selfless, amazing, and HARD AS HELL job there is. The emotional toll it takes is harder than even trying to put into words. We chase these crazy babies all day to the point of exhaustion, but you love them so hard that you don’t even notice.
I’m learning that finding the balance between all the roles takes a lot of time. And patience.
Beginning the healing process to show up for my family and be the best mother and wife I can. Being open and vulnerable helps me so much. A weight has been lifted in sharing that I’m doing a whole self evaluation and taking the necessary steps to better myself and organize my plate. I don’t feel like I have to hide this entire part of me. Because doing so would only add more stress.
Also in sharing, I’ve had several others reach out with similar struggles. We aren’t alone.
I hope these topics of overwhelm, mental health, and balancing life become more normal. It wouldn’t be as shocking when someone hits a wall. Or maybe it would be prevented and not get to this point at all. There is strength in weakness; acceptance and understanding is critical in this stage of recovery for people.
Let’s normalize conversations about struggle and be more gracious to our peers. 2021 has been a real bitch, we don’t need anymore of those around 😉
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